by Josh Stieber, PhD
Spirituality can be one of the most import parts of our lives. It can provide us with meaning, purpose, and connection to something beyond the self. Additionally, it can foster community. For many, our spirituality can help us strive to live lives marked by service, openness, and steadfastness.
Sadly, some of the key aspects of spirituality can also make it an avenue for exploitation. Spiritual seekers may be a part of a community where trust in other leaders or members can be used for self-serving ends. Beliefs and practices that are used in the name of enhancing spirituality can actually become levers of power and control. This type of abuse can lead to damaging long-term psychological, spiritual, and interpersonal consequences. Many of these consequences are known as Religious Trauma (learn more here).
Given the vulnerable position that spirituality can put us in, it is important to understand the ways that it can be abused. This article is meant to help a) victims of Spiritual Abuse and their loved ones, b) practitioners and leaders who want to safeguard themselves and their communities from Spiritual Abuse, c) mental health professionals, and d) anyone wanting to learn more about Spiritual Abuse. The following paragraphs will define Spiritual Abuse, illustrate what it can look like, discuss the impact of it, and provide resources for healing.
To help clarify the term Spiritual Abuse, Heidi Ellis, PhD (a psychologist specializing in trauma and resilience) and her team conducted a systemic review (2022) of 25 Spiritual Abuse studies. They identified three common trends in the research on Spiritual and Religious Abuse:
1. A misuse of power by religious or spiritual leaders
2. Psychological harm
3. Spiritual harm.
Similarly, in their book The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, former pastors Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson provide the following definition:
“Spiritual abuse is any abuse that occurs under the guise of religion. It is the use of power by religious figures to control, manipulate, or dominate others for their own gain or gratification.”
It is important to keep in mind that in Spiritual Abuse, religious figures does not just mean the head of a religious institution. It can be anyone who holds power, including lower-level institutional leaders or authority figures in any group where spirituality holds sway. Additionally, Spiritual Abuse can be perpetrated by a partner in a relationship or by parents towards their children.
To better understand the nature and consequences of spiritual exploitation, it is helpful to consider examples of what it can look like in someone’s life.
Spiritual Abuse can take many forms. As outlined in the definition section, each of the following examples illustrates how spirituality is used by an authority to exert power in a corrupt and damaging way.
Spiritual Manipulation: Leaders or influential members of a community may use beliefs and practices to manipulate and control others. This can include exploiting individuals emotionally, psychologically, or financially under the guise of religious guidance. For instance, leaders might tell a member to do something that person finds objectionable. What that person questions the command, leaders insist that they are relaying a divine message.
Dogmatic Beliefs and Practices: Rigid beliefs and practices that are enforced within a religious community or family can lead to difficult emotions. Common examples include guilt, shame, and fear. Individuals may feel great inner conflict between what they believe personally versus the doctrines imposed by the group.
Authoritarianism: Religious groups with top-down structures may exert control over individuals’ lives. Moreover, authority figures may demand that individuals adopt certain beliefs or take specific actions. The individual’s preferences or convictions, meanwhile, are devalued. Such structures often restrict personal autonomy and critical thinking. This can result in a sense of powerlessness and a diminished sense of self-worth.
Fear of Hell or Divine Punishment: Belief systems that emphasize eternal punishment or divine retribution for perceived transgressions can have major consequences for members’ wellbeing. They can become filled with self-doubt due to fear of sinning. Members might also have a very low view of themselves because of their perceived shortcomings. Since obedience to authority is often emphasized in harmful institutions, fear of divine punishment can also contribute to loss of individuality.
Abuse: Some religious environments may foster abusive behaviors, including emotional, psychological, or even physical abuse. Manipulative tactics, such as gaslighting or twisting doctrines, can be used to maintain control over members. For instance, say a member is harmed in some way by a group leader. Instead of seeking justice or to protect the victim, other leaders may turn their judgment towards the harmed individual and accuse them of failing to quickly forgive or of wanting to spread gossip.
Excommunication or Shunning: If a community kicks out or shames individuals for questioning the institution or not abiding by group norms, fear can quickly spread in that community. For those who are excommunicated or shunned, they face isolation, loss of community, and strained relationships with family and friends.
Sexual Repression: Some religious communities emphasize strict sexual norms. These messages can lead to shame, guilt, and anxiety surrounding natural human behaviors. Young people may be taught that aspects of their natural development as sexual beings are sinful. Gender and Sexual Minorities–those whose identities do not fit into these norms–may also be told that they are wrong or broken. Such messages can contribute to long-lasting psychological difficulties related to sexuality and self-image.
Identity Shame: When group norms are rigid and those outside the norms are judged and shamed, the result can be the suppression or denial of one’s authentic identity. Especially for individuals whose personal beliefs or identities are in conflict with the doctrines of their religious community, suppressing parts of the self or keeping secrets—which can lead to further shame—are major risks. For instance, a child enjoy clothes and toys that does not fit with gender expectations and the parents shame the child for being corrupted by wicked worldly influences.
It is important to note that this list is not exhaustive. There are a wide variety of ways that people have been severely hurt by their spiritual leaders. If you or someone you care about has been impacted, giving care and compassion to their experiences takes priority.
According to a 2023 investigation, up to about 20% of U.S. adults currently experience some form of Religious Trauma. The symptoms that comprise Religious Trauma can make life difficult for the impacted person even after they have left the abusive environment. Below are some of the ways that someone can experience Religious Trauma. Learn more about Religious Trauma here.
As we have learned, Spiritual Abuse can cause damage in a number of ways. It can make it hard to trust and connect with others. Those who suffer from the impact of it can also be filled with shame, fear, and self-harshness.
The good news is that many people who have suffered from Spiritual Abuse have found healing. It takes time, patience, hard work, and support along the way, but it the potential internal rewards are immense. For instance, for someone who was shamed for aspects of their identity for many years, the journey to healing will likely involve getting to know the parts of themselves that felt forbidden. Eventually, compassion for these parts can emerge and they become welcomed and celebrated, leading to a great sense of wholeness.
The Sufi poet Rumi said: “the wound is the place where the light enters you.” This wisdom plays out in countless healing journeys. The parts of the self that have suffered from Spiritual Abuse (or any other kind of trauma) can set you off on a journey to help these parts. Along the way, you learn about yourself, find mentors and fellow travelers, and discover strengths that you never knew were possible.
Investigating articles like this shows that you are already on a path towards healing. Here are some additional sources of support as you continue your journey:
Therapy:
A trained therapist can provide you with a supportive and accepting atmosphere where you will be able to share what you experienced and receive compassion and support. Collaboratively, you and your therapist can examine how your trauma has impacted you, which then opens avenues for tending to the parts of yourself that have been damaged. Your therapist can teach you techniques and strategies to use as you navigate distressing emotions. This process can help you accept all aspects of yourself and encourage you as you find the beliefs and priorities that matter to you.
You can find a therapist through a directory of trained therapists provided by The Reclamation Collective (an organization that helps those who have been spiritually abused).
Directory link here.
For those in New York or Florida, the author of this article—Josh Stieber, PhD—specializes in therapy with those who have suffered Spiritual Abuse.
Learn more here.
Groups:
Therapy groups and support groups for those with Religious Trauma from Spiritual Abuse can help you work towards healing alongside others who have been through similar experiences.
Support from Family & Friends:
Setting out on a new path can be daunting. Having loved ones in your corner to support and encourage you along the way can be an invaluable resource (it’s also okay to give yourself space when you need it).
Online Communities:
The anonymity of an internet forum can help you share your experiences. Forums also allow you to hear how others have responded to their abuse, learn about resources, and gain solidarity in seeing that you are not alone.
Podcasts:
Freedom from Spiritual Abuse—Natalie Kember, LCSW
Everyone’s Autonomous—William Clark
The Exvangelical Podcast—Blake Chastain
The Life After Podcast—Brady Hardin and Chuck Parson
Girlscamp—Hayley Rawle
Holy Hurt—Hillary McBride, PhD
Martyr, She Wrote—Anna Clark Miller, LPC-S, LMHC
This Little Light of Mine—James Powell
Books:
Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion–Marlene Winell, Ph.D.
Recovering from Religious Trauma: A Guide for Parents and Family Members–Marlene Winell, Ph.D.
Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment–Janet Heimlich
Wounded Faith: Understanding and Healing from Spiritual Abuse–Rev. Dr. Neil Damgaard
Josh Stieber, PhD is a clinical psychologist who, in addition to other specialized areas, has an emphasis in therapy for trauma. He works in private practice and at the Mount Sinai World Trade Center Program as a supervising psychologist. Dr. Stieber has both personal and professional experience with Religious Trauma and ways to address it.
Photos
Shattered Glass by Umberto
Fiery Door by Maximilian Müller
lonely Road and Flight from Fog by Simon Berger
