by Josh Stieber, PhD
If you are reading this article, you are likely considering starting therapy to address Religious Trauma that you have experienced. Or, perhaps, you are wanting to support a loved one as they seek therapy. This article was written to help you a) find a therapist who can support you in confronting Religious Trauma and b) learn about what to expect in therapy. By the end of this post, you will ideally have a clearer idea of how to go about your search and what to anticipate in your therapy journey.
If you are already searching for therapists to help you with damage done in religious contexts, then you probably already know something about Religious Trauma and Spiritual Abuse. If you want to dive deeper into understanding religiously-based exploitation—Spiritual Abuse—you can learn more here. To get a better idea of the impact of the abuse—Religious Trauma—you can read further here.
For a quick recap, here are definitions and examples of each:
“Spiritual abuse is any abuse that occurs under the guise of religion. It is the use of power by religious figures to control, manipulate, or dominate others for their own gain or gratification.”
Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual Manipulation: Twisting doctrines to control others.
Authoritarianism: Leadership allows little room for autonomy, questioning, or critical thinking.
Abuse: Belief systems and structures used to justify abusive behavior.
Excommunication: Creating an atmosphere of fear by kicking out members who go against the norm.
Fear of Divine Punishment: An emphasis on hell on other punishments to intimidate others into compliance.
Sexual Repression: Shaming natural sexual desire and expression.
Identity Suppression: Judging and shaming those who fall outside the norms, leading to a culture where people hide important aspects of themselves.
“Religious trauma results from an event, series of events, relationships, or circumstances within or connected to religious beliefs, practices, or structures that is experienced by an individual as overwhelming or disruptive and has lasting adverse effects on a person’s physical, mental, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being.”
–Darren Slade, PhD, President of the Global Center for Religious Research
Countless people have found help for their Religious Trauma through psychotherapy. Of course, every person’s journey is unique and there are many ways that therapy can usher in healing.
Some of these ways are through the basic elements of therapy. After coming from an environment where you may have been closely scrutinized and criticized, a therapist’s office can be a breath of fresh air. Here, you will ideally find someone who invites you to share any thoughts or feelings and warmly welcomes the many facets of yourself–including those that may have been rejected by your religious community. Your therapist can be someone who compassionately bears witness to what you have experienced, helping you feel less alone and confused. These aspects of therapy can inspire you to find more compassion for yourself.
As you grow in understanding and accepting yourself, your therapist can help tailor the therapy to your unique needs. For instance, if you are someone who struggles with feeling overwhelmed at times, then your therapist can help you learn various coping strategies like breathing exercises. Alternatively, if you find yourself stuck with a harsh inner voice, then therapy might then emphasize softening that voice and making peace with the parts of yourself that you struggle to accept. Setting boundaries can be difficult for people coming from high pressure institutions or families. If, for example, this is one of your challenges, then your therapist can help you a) better understand the emotions that make it difficult and b) practice strategies to caring for yourself through better boundary setting.
While reaching out for help can be intimidating, the benefits of therapy for Religious Trauma can be life-altering. Learning how to accept yourself and offset the harmful patterns shaped by Religious Trauma can bring immense relief, joy, and liberation.
At this point, perhaps you are eager to start therapy but are not sure where to find a therapist who is equipped to help you with your Religious Trauma. There are several avenues for finding a skilled therapist.
Search Engines
One quick way to get an idea about local Religious Trauma therapists is to simply search “Religious Trauma Therapist Near Me” or enter the name of your city. If you are interested in telehealth therapy (using phone or video), you can also expand your search by entering your state instead of your city.
Specific Directory
The Reclamation Collective is an organization that supports those who have experienced adverse religious experiences. They created a directory of therapists across the U.S. and internationally who specialize in therapy for Religious Trauma. You can find the directory HERE.
Other Directories
Several other therapist directories exist where you can search for clinicians by category. The following options do not, at present, have categories of Religious Trauma or Spiritual Abuse. However, by combining categories—like “Spirituality” and “Trauma”—you can likely find a match. Next, read therapist profiles to see if they elaborate on their specializations. You can also reach out to them to ask. A benefit to using directories is that you can also refine your search based on payment type, geography, or other important factors.
Two popular directories are Psychology Today and Choosing Therapy.
Word of Mouth
If you know others who have been through similar experiences as you, you can ask them for therapist recommendations. Online forums can also be a validating source of support and an additional place to find therapist suggestions (note: therapists are licensed state by state).
Winding Elm Psychology
For residents of New York or Florida, I offer therapy for Religious Trauma. As someone with my own religious trauma experiences, I have been immensely helped by therapy and I am passionate about supporting others in their journeys. Learn more HERE.
It is impossible to speak for all therapists, but generally, you can expect your first few sessions to start with the basics. Your therapist will review important information like session lengths (usually 45 to 60 minutes), fees and insurance, confidentiality (very important), and emergency procedures. You can share your goals for therapy and tell your story. Your therapist will probably then describe their approach and how they can help you reach your goals.
Where therapy goes to next will depend on your goals and the approach of your therapist. Broadly speaking, a cognitive-behavioral therapist might focus on helping you evaluate your thoughts and practice new behaviors. Alternatively, in psychodynamic therapy, you will explore how early life experiences remain active in your social and emotional life and use this insight to help you make changes. There are many other types of therapy as well. Feel free to ask your therapist about how their approach can help you meet your goals.
In psychotherapy, it is important to balance comfort and growth. Having a therapist that you feel connected to can make it easier to be vulnerable and engaged. At the same time, to grow, you will need to go into difficult emotional territory and challenge yourself to practice new behaviors. But having one without the other–a therapist who pushes you but you don’t feel safe with or one you feel comfortable with but doesn’t challenge you–can greatly limit your growth.
When figuring out this balance, one factor to keep in mind is a psychological phenomenon known as transference. Transference is when your feelings about one person are redirected onto another person. This is actually expected in therapy and can be a great avenue for exploration. To use a personal example: one session I was telling my therapist about a decision I had made based on a strong belief. Suddenly, my mind painted a picture that my therapist must hold a very different stance and be very opposed to my decision. I shared this reaction with him and, through exploration, I could see how my therapist was awakening feelings of fear instilled by leaders of my childhood religious institution. It taught me that, in such situations, my thinking becomes limited (i.e., I wasn’t imagining anything but a critical response); now this awareness helps me challenge my assumptions and consider other possibilities.
The takeaway is this: there are times when discomfort arises in therapy and can be beneficial. The key is that your therapist should be open to exploring and discussing your troubling feelings.
Photos (Unsplash)
Journey Start by Jasper Boer
Searching by Daniel Lerman
Sunlit Forest by Michael Krahn
Therapy Couch by Mihn Pham